


no chance to make it right

by xyzhnielle



Series: what if's [1]
Category: The Maze Runner Series - All Media Types, The Maze Runner Series - James Dashner
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Angst, Canon Divergence, Friendship only, Gen, I'm just going to put that off as because of him being emotional and hurt, It's kinda Newtmas, Like, Oops, Sad, The Death Cure, The Death Cure Spoilers, and a little like MinMin probs???, and headstrong, and unbelieving, and we hate Janson, but this ain't newtmas romantic relationship, dramatic Tommy, first fic, hahaha how do you tag, i love newtmas, i think i wrote him wrong, idk - Freeform, kind of????, kk, newtmas - Freeform, newtmas friendship, sorry i wrote this, sucky characterization, thomas is too angry, we all hate 250
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-13
Updated: 2016-09-13
Packaged: 2018-08-14 20:41:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8028241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xyzhnielle/pseuds/xyzhnielle
Summary: 'It's too late.'
   It really is too late, is the thing.It’s too little, too late; but that doesn’t affect the wave of emotions that hit Thomas like a jet.It doesn’t stop the raw pain, and the anger – the rage, from coursing through his veins and muddling his mind and making him feel like he wants to rip his heart out and tear himself to shreds.It hurts, is what it is. It’s what he feels, and he can’t – he can’t think straight, and he hates himself. God, he hates himself so much.…..au where Newt didn't have the Flare, but it doesn't matter.





	no chance to make it right

**Author's Note:**

> This work was inspired by @shuckrunners on tumblr and their idea:  
> "Tmr AU where Newt was always immune but Thomas found out after he killed him. WICKED told Thomas that it was another trial and newt was always immune but because Newt was told he was not immune, he truly believed he was a crank and acted like one."
> 
>  
> 
> I don't think I did it justice. Hopefully, you guys think I have-- even if just a little.  
> [disclaimer: don't own the character but I WISH, and the first two paragraphs were taken directly from the book, so it's noT MINE either I hate it too]  
> Enjoyyyy.

xxx

_“You wanna know why I have this limp, Tommy? Did I ever tell you? No, I don’t think I did.”_

_“What happened?” Thomas asked, stalling for time. He slipped his fingers around the weapon._

_“I tried to kill myself in the Maze. Climbed halfway up one of those bloody walls and jumped right off. Alby found me and dragged me back to the Glade right before the Doors closed. I hated the place, Tommy. I hated every second of every day. And it was all … your … fault!”_

_Newt suddenly twisted around and grabbed Thomas by the hand holding the gun. He yanked it toward himself, forcing it up until the end of the pistol was pressed against his own forehead. “Now make amends! Kill me before I become one of those cannibal monsters! Kill me! I trusted you with the note! No one else. Now do it!”_

_Thomas tried to pull his hand away, but Newt was too strong. “I can’t, Newt, I can’t.”_

_“Make amends! Repent for what you did!” The words tore out of him, his whole body trembling. Then his voice dropped to an urgent, harsh whisper. “Kill me, you shuck coward. Prove you can do the right thing. Put me out of my misery.”_

_The words horrified Thomas. “Newt, maybe we can—”_

_“Shut up! Just shut up! I trusted you! Now do it!”_

_“I can’t.”_

_“Do it!”_

_“I can’t!” How could Newt ask him to do something like this? How could he possibly kill one of his best friends?_

_“Kill me or I’ll kill you. Kill me! Do it!”_

_“Newt …”_

_“Do it before I become one of them!”_

_“I …”_

_“KILL ME!” And then Newt’s eyes cleared, as if he’d gained one last trembling gasp of sanity, and his voice softened. “Please, Tommy. Please.”_

_With his heart falling into a black abyss, Thomas pulled the trigger._

xxx

_Thomas had closed his eyes when he did it. He heard the impact of bullet on flesh and bone, felt Newt’s body jerk, then fall onto the street. Thomas twisted onto his stomach, then pushed himself to his feet, and he didn’t open his eyes until he started running. He couldn’t allow himself to see what he’d done to his friend. The horror of it, the sorrow and guilt and sickness of it all, threatened to consume him, filled his eyes with tears as he ran toward the white van._

_He’d killed Newt._

_He’d shot his own friend in the head._

xxx

“Hello, Thomas, and welcome back,” is what the slinthead’s saying, and _never_ – in his whole life (that he can remember, anyway) – has he ever wanted so much to _strangle_ someone. Gally was a little bad, yeah, but Janson? He wanted to strangle this klunk, and cut him up and burn the remains. “No one believed me, but I’ve been saying all along that you’d return. I’m glad you made the right choice.”

Thomas didn’t say a word at first, and all he really wants to do is curl up and let the numbness take over and just cry and let the tears flow. But he can’t. Because Newt’s dead, because he wasn’t _Immune_ , and Thomas doesn’t want any more other Newts. He’s doing this for the blond – for _Newt_ , but it doesn’t mean he has to be nice about it to Janson. The man extends his hand, but Thomas ignores it, clenching his own into fists. “Let’s just get on with it.”

“Sounds like an excellent idea.” Janson stepped back and bowed slightly. “After you.”  
With a chill along his spine to match the frosty weather outside, Thomas walked past the Rat Man and entered WICKED’s headquarters.

This was it.

To be perfectly candid, Thomas had no intent on talking to the Rat Man, but – oh – the shank did. He droned on and on and on about klunk that the young boy probably won’t even understand. Then Rat Man says – “Sorry about Subject A5,” and Thomas’ heart stops, and he feels faint, but there’s also the rather strong urge to punch Janson and knock out his teeth.

“W-what did you just call him?”

"Oh," Rat Man pretends to look apologetic, shrugging off the clear waves of hostility coming from Thomas. "I'm sorry– I meant the Glue. Newt. That was an unnecessary loss."

Clenching his fists, Thomas was pretty sure that if Rat Man kept talking, there'd be blood on the floor, and cuts on the slinthead's face. "Unnecessary?" He spat, glaring at the man in front of him.

He's desperately trying to get the image out of his head— Newt with mad brown eyes, instead of the happy and caring ones that he's used to. Newt slowly turning into a Crank. Newt, looking so dirty and broken and damaged, begging to be killed by the person he trusted most.

"Yes, Thomas." Janson said impatiently, frowning as he spared a glance at the boy, "unnecessary."

"You're shuck right it was unnecessary!" Thomas hissed, gritting his teeth because he can't control his emotions much right now, not when his best friend just died by his own hands, and also because Minho's slightly rubbing off on him. "I had to– I had to shoot– because he was—" he stops short, and he still can't say it out loud– what he did– and he wants to cry but he doesn't want to do it in front of this rat-faced shank. "Newt was going mad, and he _begged_ me—" Thomas doesn't know why he's saying these, why he's trying to explain it, but he is, and he stops because he realizes if anybody needs these words, it's Minho, not Janson.

"No, no, Thomas. See, that's the thing. Subject A5 was never not Immune," is what Rat-man's saying, and a burst of hysterical laughter leaves the young boy's throat. That wasn't true. It couldn't be. Newt was obviously losing grip of sanity. Thomas _saw_ it. _Minho_ saw it.

"That's a load of klunk, Rat— Janson," Thomas muttered bitterly, turning to look at the plain white walls as they walked. "Just– just stop it. Don't talk about– about _him_."

But Rat Man was having none of it. "No, it's true. He passed the testing and all that! The only reason he _acted_ like a Crank, is because he genuinely _believed_ he was one– just because I said it! It was just—"

"Shut your mouth, Janson!" And this catches the attentions of two WICKED personnel who start making their way towards their leader and Thomas, Launchers loaded in their arms.

"—another test, Thomas. To see how the Immune subjects would react to another of their own being _not_ Immune. It was quite nice to see that the news still made your trio strong and– Anyway. I'm sorry for your loss, Thomas. We didn't know you'd actually—"

Every word that Janson spewed out of his vile, disgusting mouth, only made Thomas angrier. Newt was the 'Crank', so why was he the one going absolutely insane? Oh, right– because of this new 'test'. Eventually, he couldn't rein it in anymore. His hands shot up and collided with Rat Man's cheek, and a scream of utter rage is heard through the corridors.

It takes Thomas a minute to realize it's coming from himself. He pulls at what he can and scratches and slaps and tries to inflict as much damage as possible before he's pulled away by the guards. He knows the only reason they're not using a shucking Launcher on him right now, is because he's still 'important'— or maybe it's also because Janson ordered them to stop and not to fire.

The older man gathers himself, wincing at the pain in his face (and Thomas wants to shout that that's not even half of what he's feeling inside, of what Minho's feeling, and of what Newt felt). "Now, now, Thomas. Calm yourself. Don't want anything else happening to your other friends now, do you? Subject A1, maybe– Teresa Agnes?"

He can almost hear Newt saying, _"slim yourself Tommy,"_ and that's really the only reason that he feels all energy leave him and he's slumping against the guards' hold, eyes trained on Rat-man's ugly smile.

"Good. So, let's discuss some other things that we really need to talk about. You can let him go, thank you. Just get the Launcher ready, you know. We won't hesitate to shoot, Thomas. Know that. Yes, okay, and...."

He keeps talking and droning on, but Thomas is only half there, answering when he needs to, or when he wants to input a remark. But he's deep inside himself, thinking and remembering and thinking and thinking and thinking, because it's all he can do and all he knows how to do. He's tired of running, but right now? It's what he wants to do more than anything. Run from WICKED, from the memories, from Newt, from Minho, from himself. Run to nowhere until he's panting and wheezing.

And then Janson says, but he ignores it– "Thank you for coming back, Thomas. You will be of much help to finding the Cure. I'm sorry it was too late."

xxx

_'It's too late.'_

It really _is_ too late, is the thing.

It’s too little, too late; but that doesn’t affect the _wave_ of emotions that hit Thomas like a jet.

It doesn’t stop the raw pain, and the anger – the _rage_ , from coursing through his veins and muddling his mind and making him feel like he wants to rip his heart out and tear himself to shreds.

It _hurts_ , is what it is. It’s what he feels, and he can’t – he can’t think straight, and he hates himself. God, he hates himself so much.

And he hates WICKED. He hates them for starting this all, and he hates Janson – no, _Rat Man_. He’s Rat Man to Thomas, and he’ll always be the Rat Man to Thomas, because he’s a piece of klunk and he’s nothing but a filthy rat. Thomas hates Rat Man. And, yeah, it’s a strong word, but he does. He really, really, does.

Then he hates Newt. It didn’t have to happen. He could’ve – they could’ve done something else, and this wouldn’t have happened, but they didn’t so it did. And it kills Thomas. The knowledge that there could’ve been an alternative – that he could’ve really just tied Newt up and brought him to WICKED – drowns him. Yeah, that’s shuckin’ right. Thomas feels like drowning in his sorrow and in his memories of a tall blond and in his anger— He wants to burst. He wants to lash out and explode and kill every WICKED klunk around him. Newt didn’t deserve this! Newt didn’t deserve any of the things they put him through, and he didn’t deserve the things that happened to him.

But you know what? Most of all, Thomas hates himself. Because it was him who killed Newt. It was him who pulled the trigger, not WICKED. Newt was Immune, but Thomas let the bullet loose. And that – that is the most painful truth.

Newt’s dead because of Thomas, when he shouldn’t even be.

So he stores the memory away, deep inside him, as he's walking along with Rat-man, a launcher pressed against his back. And he’ll tell not one of the Gladers — not even Minho — and no one else will ever know. Because this is going to be a secret he'll take to the grave. And that’s the way it’ll be.

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first fic here, and I have this on Wattpad and on Google Docs.
> 
> Please please please feel free to comment any thought (ANY AT ALL) and criticize me as much as you want, tbh I know it sucks, so I'll probably agree with you. Thank you so much for reading! <3 xxx
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> _[edit: i would just like to mention undeadpsycho13 bc they were the first to kudos this and when I first got that notif, I think I almost cried hAHAHA]_


End file.
